WHAT THE FUCK!?!!
I have some really concerning observations about the state of people’s relationships & love lives…
First, I want to explain why I’ve been quiet lately.
I’ve been working a lot more these days, and focused on ‘service’ and ‘production’, and a lot less on my own personal lifestyle, or my own growth and development as an individual. Instead, I have been much more focused on my growth, professionally, and in business. I am sure that at some point I will learn to juggle both more harmoniously, simultaneously. But that’s neither here nor there.
In the process of diving fully into my work, and fully owning my purpose and mission, there have been some really interesting observations that I’ve had (as well as some really cool developments on the business and professional front, that I look forward to sharing more later)
For now, I want to share some really concerning observations that I’ve had around people in their relationships after talking to two men today.
The men I spoke to were both between the ages of 34 and 60.
Quick piece of context first…
So, most clients come to me after a “rupture” in their relationship (usually a recent break-up)
However, in these two cases, I feel reluctant to call it a break up, because it wasn’t really a break up.
Why?
Because there were no actual problems in their relationship that drove them apart.
They merely couldn’t communicate or come to an effective resolution around an external set of circumstances, and their differences around those circumstances, and so they chose to give up, in a fit of helplessness and hopelessness.
In both cases, they were merely a set of external circumstances that arose (around job/potential relocation, moving and what that means, past pain of betrayal, or age differences) that came up and tore two people apart.
Not just any two people…
Two people who sound like they have perfectly happy, nourishing, supportive and divinely guided relationships (when I listened to the full story)
And yet, now they are no longer together.
As a result… they have each been suffering in silence for the last month or so, not wanting this to happen, not wanting to be apart, and yet choosing to be apart, and not really talking about it or why or what they could do differently to resolve it – and be together.
Instead, they are pretending to be friends/casual about shit, and sharing what’s happening in their lives with one another, as friends, while there’s an issue that they are both surrendering their power around, that could easily be addressed and resolved, if only they felt empowered and skilled enough to address it.
Sure, simple for me to say. I get it.
I’m a relationship coach and I’ve invested the last 9 years of my life working on this stuff, and close to $80,000 dollars learning about it for the last 10 years.
I get that I am here to serve my clients. I get that they don’t know what I know, cuz if they did, they wouldn’t need me.
I get all that.
And yet, the situation is still so troubling and frustrating to me. As well as the state of affairs in our society, especially as it relates to people and their relationships – and their love lives.
Neither of these relationships are anything less than perfect. Seriously.
There were no major fights, No blaming shaming judging or making anyone wrong. No signs of toxicitiy or codependence. Literally. Nothing.
Pure bliss, magic, support, devotion, partnership, collaboration. Love.
And no, it’s not just some crazy honeymoon phase.
They were 7 months and 2.5 years each.
And yet, they’re no longer together. They’re gone.
They’re not in eachother’s lives anymore.
They chose to separate in a fit of total helplesness and hopelessness.
One person couldn’t figure their own shit out.
And so they sold the other person on their own belief and limitation, and now the other person let them take the easy way out. Because they didn’t know what else to do.
WHAT THE FUCK
Men, these women are crying out for your help.
STEP UP
It’s so sad for me to see so many beautiful relationships get thrown away and discarded due to random reasons, that to me, seem perfectly resolvable.
From my perspective, the reason they are abandoning their relationship isn’t because of the reasons. It’s because they don’t know what the fuck to do to resolve those reasons, or any other set of reasons that would come up late.r
The reason people leave instead of making it work (at least in my opinion), all boils down to people’s lack of relational skills, and emotional awareness, and a lack of personal empowerment when it comes to navigating their inner world effectively, and then communicating that to the people in their life, in a way that actually resolves what’s arising, and realigns them both on the same page.
Rather than having the relational ability to powerfully effect their fate, and guide their relationship to where they want it to be – they are throwing up their hands, and claiming themselves powerless because of the powerlessness that their partner feels around navigating their own feelings, and working through them, while being in relationship with them.
Unfortunately most people (men AND women) don’t know how to take an empowered stand for their partner, and their relationship, in service of their love.
And so they let it die.
And then they have to sit around and deal with the pain, fear and suffering in the aftermath of their decisions.
Then, I ask them what they want, and they can’t even claim their actual desire. Because they feel so resigned and powerlessness.
Men, if you want to get your woman back and save your relationship – go get her.
Stop sitting around, feeling powerless about your inability to effect the change you want.
Learn the skills. Learn emotions. Learn to navigate shit with your partner.
What the fuck.
What’s the alternative?
Sitting there and dealing with the consequences that you are having to deal with in your life, that are an EFFECT.
Of you not knowing how to be AT CAUSE in your life when it comes to love and relationships?
Look, I get it. We all approach places that we’ve never gone, or had to go before, and we get stuck. Understandably so.
I have compassion. I do too. And still do. And continue to.
And yet, I learn.
And the more of a strong foundation I have of personal empowerment, emotional intelligence, and effective communication – the greater and easier it is for me to navigate situations in my life and in my relationships (and in my clients lives, and in their relationships, too).
Situations that I would otherwise just label myself powerless in, in the past, I can now deal with.
In the past, I’d choose to accept whatever fate I had to accept for my relationship, because of a state that my partner was in, that they couldn’t get out of. Because of their own lack of emotional awareness, communication, and personal empowerment.
God, if I had to imagine myself losing my woman over my own ineptness to be a man and to guide us out of our rocky waters, I’d be fucking pissed.
And yet, these men think that it’s their women’s problem (to some degree).
They are willing to step up and try, sure, but they don’t want to keep going if they aren’t received well. Or if the situation doesn’t seem hopeful after their first few attempts. So they can cut their losses.
WHAT THE FUCK.
Look, I get it.
It takes courage and pride to fight and go after what you want.
To go after the woman of your dreams.
To claim her heart.
To fight to destroy anything between you that is hurting her ability to open and surrender to you.
Especially when every single part of her communication, both verbal and non-verbal, is fucking closing to you.
Making you feel like it’s hopeless to even try.
Or maybe you try and it doesn’t get anywhere.
And so you feel even more powerless, helpless, and resigned.
I get it.
It’s scary fucking shit.
And it DOES seem hopeless at times.
But what the fuck?
How much does she mean to you?
You’re telling me that you’re only going to try some attempts and then look to her behavior as a sign of whether or not you should keep going and keep trying?
You’re better than that.
Do you want her?
It’s a simple fucking question.
If the answer is yes, go after her.
Go after her until she surrenders to your certainty.
Don’t look to her for certainty in a time where she herself feels uncertain.
That is completely ass backwards.
Generate your own certainty.
Your own UNWAVERING certainty.
Independent of her fluctuations and moods.
And keep generating that until she surrenders to that.
If she doesn’t, that’s cool.
You can move on like you had initially planned to do in your initial fit of helplessness, hopeless, defeat and resignation (masquerading as some noble lesson in letting go and surrender)
But at least now you’ll go out knowing that you took a fucking stand for her and your love, and fought for her heart.
And now you won’t be moving on from a disempowered state, at effect.
You’ll be moving on knowing that you were a courageous fucking warrior and you stood up for yourself, for her, and for the love that’s in your heart, and you did everything you fucking could to make it work.
WHAT THE FUCK.
I know I said that I’m sad in this post earlier, but really, I’m outraged.
It hurts me to see so many resolvable situations being discarded due to a lack of some very powerful and vital skills.
Don’t get me wrong, they are not easy skills. But they are certainly learnable. And once they are, they help you weather through times like this like a fucking champ. And come out victorious.
I want to do one of those stupid hashtags and say #LoveWarrior or something equally badass that would spread but that was my idea before it became a best-selling book by a woman. Well, not really my idea. It was my buddy Roland Mirabueno‘s. And he shared it with me while we worked together.
Anyway, I look forward to helping more people learn these vital and neccessary relationship skills. So they can lead their fucking relationships to the promiselands that Disney Movies sold them.
WHAT THE FUCK.
It’s such betrayal to sell people such fairy tales of love and romance bliss and then leave them to their own vices, in a society that gives them zero skills, tools, or trainings to ever learn how to sustain the fucking fantasy they are sold.
That’s why I’m coming out with The Relationship Academy –
which will be a website and a membership portal full of courses from me and some of the world’s leading experts around love and relationships (website launching soon).
Think: The Mindvalley of Relationships.
With the business model of The DM Lab (Digital Marketer Lab)
With the pricing structure of a successful SAAS Company at $99/month or so, rather than some stupid internet marketing price of $39/month.
I’m going to price it at $99/month so that I can actually deliver a high quality experience to people, and sustain the company in a way that helps me continue to create an amazing quality of service and experience for people.
Honestly, I’m not sure how well it’s going to do or if the universe will reward me for trying to tackle such a big and collective issue, with such a big and vast, imprecise, lack of perfectly pain-point exploiting marketing approach and angle.
I honestly don’t know whether humans would actually pay $99/month to be subscribed to something that will teach them the things that if they don’t learn, they’ll always be enslaved by, but hell, it’s worth a fucking shot. And if not, I’ll always sell business-building shit like the rest of you guys do and just make money doing that. Lol.
Okay, enough ranting for now.
Excited to share more insights and developments on both the relationship front and the work front soon.
If you’re interested in learning more about either, please comment below or shoot me a PM.
PS: I know that not every relationship needs to be saved. Or should be saved. A lot of people may be better served by people choosing to let go. I hear that. I don’t need disagreements on the point being presented or for anyone to poke holes in my perspective.
I’m merely stating that it’s fucking terrifying to see so many people give up on something so beautiful due to them being completely inept when it comes to relationships.
When will we, as a society, and as a specie, learn to develop systems to teach us how to better love and communicate with each other?
It’s the whole fucking reason that we’ve evolved beyond every other specie.
Through our ability to be communal – to build relationships with other people and evolve collectively, in community, collaboration, and harmony (rather than competition)
Sure, things arose out of that with our opposable thumbs, and our big brains, and the formation of logic and reason, and verbal communication and building of tools and such.
Which brings me to an interesting point…
When the fuck will we learn to use our logic and reason, and these big brains of ours, to build some fucking tools for us to learn how to love and communicate better?
I guess a lot of the people I know already are.
I just can’t help but feel like it’s all just a tiny drop in the ocean.
Especially when you consider that number against all the people in the world who really need to hear it. And learn it. FUCK.
WAKE UP HUMANS
LEARN TO LOVE EACH OTHER BETTER